Kale Chips

Hubby knows I don't need flowers. They are cute and romantic and pretty, and then they die. And you can't eat them. Well, some of them maybe, and wouldn't that be cool if all men thought of that when they were buying flowers for us?

"Huh, these are cute, and I know my wife will appreciate eating them too."

Can you see us, grabbing the bouquet out of their hands, exclaiming delight, and then shoving the thing up into our faces, eating them like grazing animals, teeth filled with blossoms as we smile through it all?

That would be ridiculous. and awesome. So awesome.

But if Hubby handed me a bunch of Kale, I would swoon and hit the floor. Because I love Kale.
Love, Love.

And this year I planted three varieties. I've got curly blue dwarf, Red Russian, and Dinosaur Kale. (shown in the picture respectively) I thought 9 square feet would get me through the season. With my almost daily trips to the Kale patch, there's no way...

Because the best plant in the world makes the best snack in the world.

Kale Chips. (insert saliva droplets here)

Sure you can buy them in the store in those organic weird food sections, pureed gunk that's been blended with other unnecessary ingredients to muddle the perfectness of that crispy kale leaf....

And so this is how it's done.
At least by me. And I'm not the authority on Kale chips, but I am 65% Kale at this point. I bleed green....

Wash the Kale and chop it into manageable pieces. Not to small... this stuff is gonna cook down.

Drizzle with olive oil. Not too much! You need a couple table spoons at best for a whole pan.

Sprinkle with salt. Less is more. If you put on too much, you'll be spitting the batch out. (after you stuff every bit of it in your mouth, hoping you can still salvage it... The Kale REALLY cooks down; you don't need to add to much of anything to the kale.

Rub it all together, making sure that every surface of the Kale gets coated with the salt and oil.

And then...
Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese. This is 'optional', but you should do it. Trust me.

Spread it out on a baking sheet and toss it in the oven at 350 for fifteen minutes, then turn it over with a spatula and go another 10 or 15. I'll go up to 45 minutes depending on how much I've got on a sheet.

Try not to nibble it all down while it's still baking. Your fingers will thank you. your tummy will hate you, and your brain will be sad, but you should wait until they are cooked and crispy if you want them at their best.

Then take them out...

Eat the whole thing in one sitting (if you've got time to sit) and go back out to the garden and repeat the process until you go into a Kale Coma.

Don't share with friends or family. They'll only want more. I stand by my kitchen window with a little toy pellet gun to keep family members at bay. I made this once for a BBQ. Never again. It's  a life sentence of Kale sharing. Awful, just awful.

What do you do with Kale?
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